A Journey of Obedience

Warning:  This is going to be a loaded blog post!  I have been on a journey.  This journey started last year.  I was ready to go to Africa on a mission trip.....so I thought, and doors closed and I was able to go.  But I was not ready.  My desire to go on a mission trip was there, my faith was not and neither was my obedience.  A year goes by and I learn more about faith than I ever have.  So many things happened in my family that caused me to realize that I am not in control of things, that God is in control, and that I must have FAITH that He is.  I have always thought I had faith, but when things were coming to light, I quickly realized that I was not living in faith, I was living through a false sense of faith.  So I grew this year.  The trip to Africa was no longer on my mind.  One Sunday Pastor Kenn preached on Matthew 8:18-27 (You can listen to the sermon here:  Kingdom Come - listen to January 20th) when the disciples follow him and Jesus calmed the Storm.  Jesus is standing there and a teacher of law comes and says "I will follow you wherever you go."  But then Jesus tells him that if he follows him, he will be homeless - the man backs up and doesn't respond.  Another disciple said "First let me go and bury my father."  And Jesus replies that if you follow him, you don't go when you are ready.  You go when you are asked.  He and the disciples got in a boat and went out into the water when a huge storm comes.  Jesus is asleep and the disciples run and ask him to save them because they were going to drown.  "You of little faith, why are you so afraid?"The Lord said to them.  Jesus gets up and calms the storm.  Pastor Kenn preached on whether you are in the boat or you are out.  When you are asked  to follow him, do you first think of excuses of things that you need to do before you obey His commands.  Through the whole sermon I kept thinking of my failed attempt to Africa last year and did I make excuses and let the convenience of Matt's work give me an easy out?  So the sermon continues and we are dismissed and I stand up and talk to a friend who is sitting next to me.  When we are done talking, I turn around and the sanctuary is almost empty!  I quickly collect my things and Kim Hucks is walking straight towards me.  I wish I could remember her exact words, but it was on the lines of - "So, do you want to go to Africa?"  WHAT!!!  After that sermon, she has the audacity to come and ask me if I am basically in the boat or not!  Thoughts of Africa flood my head once again.  I thought of the ifs and buts.  I thought of the logistics of it.  I thought of a whole lot of stuff.  I mean I don't just get up and go....I leave 5 needy children and a husband who works full time and 9 days is a long time to be away.  But then my mind kept going back to obedience.  I was flat out ASKED to go.  Not if I could go, but to go.  Obedience.  What a hard word.  I expect my children to obey my every bark and command.  I expect them to do the things that they don't want to do without a rebuttle.  How often am I asked to do things by my Father?  The easy stuff is easy.  The convenient stuff is easy.  But the major commands..... whoa, that is something I may have to think about!  Matt and I talked about it.  He told me he was going to push me in the boat.  He is very supportive.  Yes, it will be so very hard for us.  We do not like to be separated.  I have a hard time going to the grocery store when he is off, because that is an hour of our time together that I don't get to be with him.  I am glued to his hip!  And my kids??  Good grief.  I have only been away from them for a week when I had my kidney stones, but I was on morphine, so I don't remember too much of anything, but I do remember that I wouldn't let Matt leave me.  So a trip this big, alone, is a huge deal for us.  So we go and talk to Kim 2 Sundays after that and ask her some questions.  She tells me that she is going through each door way as it opens.  She said she has been getting a few small things as she sees them, you know like individual wet wipes.  We leave and later on that day we go to a friend's house and he hands me a box and right on the top of the box are 6 boxes of individual wet wipes!!!!   A little confirmation?? :)  So time goes on and I am still saying yes, but I am waiting for a reason to say no.  Why do I try to wrestle God so much?  Why am I so hard headed that I can't just obey?  Then, I get an email from a friend about this fast that she is doing with her church and wanted to know if myself and 2 other ladies from Sardis would like to join her?  WHAT??!!!! A FAST????!!!! HA, NOT ME!!! I felt funny inside and of course the email was bothering me the entire day! I kept thinking - hmmmm, interesting, but let me see how I could limit this. Let me see how I can twist it to what I would like that to be for me. Let me minimalize it. I mean, I have to cook for 5 kids and can't drag them through a fast - that would look real great when I take Channing for her 2 year check up in a couple weeks and she has lost weight :) I have never done a fast. And anytime it was ever presented to me it was a blanket offer to partake as a church. No one would know if I did it or if I didn't. But I was ASKED! This is what I keep playing in my head with this Africa trip. I was flat out ASKED to go. Is this the obedience that I preach to my children about if I try to think through these things? All day long, I tell my kids that when I ask you to do something, do it. I am not asking if you want to, if you feel like it, or if you could do it when you get a chance. I am blatenly asking you to do something for ME and I expect you to WANT to listen and obey and be helpful, whether this was in your agenda or not. I fall into the trap of adulthood freedom. I can eat, go and do whatever I would like and no one tells me what to do. I live a life that can be easy to follow Jesus Christ. I can easily refrain from vandalizing a park or from beating someone up in a parking lot if they take my space :) But when God ASKS me to do something, how obedient am I? I guess this is what God is working on me right now and of course he doesn't ask me to do easy things. I went from living at home with my parents to getting married and living with Matt. I didn't even go away to college, nope just commuted. I am in a comfort zone of family that is crazy and I am not even getting shipped off to Africa alone!! I will have some awesome people with me! Is it going to be easy for me to watch what I eat for a fast? Nope. I will still be feeding my family and won't have the freedom to leave the room while they eat. I will probably be spoon feeding my infant chicken wrapped in bacon on top of a slab of butter over a bed of pasta with a cookie on top :) I will be obedient and am prepared to be abundantly blessed through this life changing experience.  So on Monday, I took my 5 babies with me to get my passport filed.  And of course, this experience is going to be a learning one for us all.  I am making them their own passports and we will be studying Kenya, Africa because Mommy is going there from June 21-30!!

Habakkuk 1:5 - "Look at the nations and watch - and be utterly amazed.  For I am going to do something in your days that you would not believe, even if you were told."

I am ready to be amazed!  I am ready to see what God is going to do in my life.  Through this fast and through this trip to Africa.  This is going to be a banner year in my life and in my family's lives.  We are on a voyage together.  I will teach my children what I am learning and teach them through my crazy failures.  The Lord is my portion and I am His child!  We will be obedient to what the Holy Spirit leads us to.  Thank you Lord for asking me to do things that are extreme to me, but they are only extreme so that you can show me how you are extreme!!  I know that I am going to see amazing things......I serve and amazing God!!  

Trip Info:  June 21-30 to Kenya, Africa.  I will be going to 2 main villages and then going into 2 schools a day and teaching the children (I love how I will have completed my teacher license renewal program in May and will be still certified for 5 more years) in the schools - kind of like VBS (which we will have just finished the week before at our church).  There is a construction team that is going with us and they are going to be building a church in the villages where we are.  They are trying to build relationships between the church and people in the community, so we are going to the schools.  I am going with another church from Tennessee with Miracle Power:  Miracle Power and the network that is putting the trip together is from  Church Missions Network

Please pray for my family as we dive into this journey together.  Pray for each person that I come in contact with that I will be filled with the Spirit and know what they need to hear.  I have FAITH that we will be abundantly blessed and will see God work in mighty ways!  The trip is expensive and we haven't even discussed that fully, but we have no doubt in our minds that it will all come completely together.  I am loving this feeling of being out of my comfort zone, because when we are out of our comfort zone.....we are in HIS comfort zone of showing us WHO He is!!!